May 7, 2015

Aidan Nuh: My Bittersweet BFJourney!

Hey lovelies,


Salam Jumaat and Happy Friyay!!!

Aidan Nuh is almost ONE year young!!! 3 more weeks to go!!


So here is Aidan's almost first year breastfeeding report! I don't really want to write about this.. but i think, for memory sake..i need..or i should jot it down somewhere, right?



And now the hardest part begin! My breastfeeding journey! I know that not every mommy had it that simple! And i am one of them -_-  Aidan was and still latches effortlessly but due to his small mouth at that time, i suffered a whole lot!! I screamed and bite my lips so hard  every time he wanted to latch. There was countless nights that i couldn't sleep as he wanted to latch all night long! I cried so much inside! My parents kept saying it was because i didn't produce enough milk whatnot whatnot..but i choose to bear with it as long as i could.


Things didn't get any better when he was diagnosed with jaundice on his 6th days. His reading was so high and the doctor asked to admit him for the UV light therapy, Since it was a breastfeeding friendly hospital, i can room in with him. He was not happy the whole time we were there. I started to use my breast pump for the first time at the hospital so that he can bottle-feed while receiving the treatment. Oh boy, i was sooo stress tahap dah nk meroyan gitu! Stress because of his reading kept going up and it double up when i could not pumped enough milk for him! And obviously lead me to do something stupid that i could not forgive myself , like forever!! I DILUTED my breast milk with a little bit of MINERAL WATER! Ya Allah!! Please forgive me!! I was wrong! I just could not bare to see him crying! I did it ONCE and just a few drop of water but i seriously could not forgive myself for that :( Alhamdulillah, Aidan was OK! But still.. it was something that i regret doing :( [Psst, I didn't tell anyone about this either]


Things just getting harder as his jaundice continued for 2 months of his life. Doctor had ruled out all the harmful cause as they diagnose it as  BREASTFEEDING JAUNDICE..I thought i can breath for a second but out of nowhere i was diagnosed to have Hand Foot Mouth Disease during Aidan's first month! I cant direct feed Aidan as usual as i'm afraid he will get it as well. So,my breastpump and i became best of friend for a week-ish :( I tried my best to pump every 2 hours so that Aidan's could get enough but unfortunately the infamous block duct come and get me! Oh my...what a harsh start for my breastfeeding journey! I still didn't reach to the point where Aidan's puke blood all over me and we rushed to emergency department! And it turned out he was fine but my (.)(.) were NOT :( haih!!


Things turn out a little bit better after my confinement period. Even though i'm not an oversupply mommy, I'm not a low supply either. I'm happy enough with my 'cukup-makan' supply. I started working after my 2nd months and my pumping routine was and still 3 times daily. Once in the car on the way to work [8-830], once after lunch [1245-1315], and once in the car on my way back from work [1730-1800]. I did skipped lunch pumping session once in awhile, but i will try to make up for it by pumping longer for my next session. So far this routine works for me! Try to find your own routine which fits you most!


I had set my goal but i'm not quite sure if i ever going to make it. Alhamdulillah! I've almost reach the first half of my goal! In Sya Allah, i'll work harder for the second half!! Thank you so much to my ultimate supporter, Mr Hubby who help me to push it through! Thank you for waking up early every morning just to wash and sterilize all the bottles.Thank you for putting up with all my craving [mind you, my craving during breastfeeding are much more worst than pregnancy period..hahah]. Thank you for everything..even though your nagging hurt my eardrum so much..i still love you! :)


To all mommies out there, I am 100% sure that we are trying our best for our kids no matter how judgmental everyone surround us would be! Keep strong!! You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!



Lots of Love,


Juitanis

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